Tom's Birthday

It was Tom's birthday today and I do think he had a lovely day. I got him a nice checked shirt and a tshirt from t shirtstore. He got a few artbooks and some kind of super edition of Avatar that he had wanted for a while. Mum had gotten him a new bike, a Karl Monark and it is really lovely.
Can't wait for spring! Us two, me on my Victoria and Tom on his Karl... out and about in the sunshine.
... today there was no sunshine, only snow.

November is pure pain.
October has knitted jumpers and hot drinks are still exotic,
December has Christmas.
January is fresh and full of opportunities.
February is already getting lighter with a hope of spring.
November, however, is pure pain.

Me in bowler hat...

A "sensible" study of religion...

It is difficult, religion. It is easy to claim that I study religion out of pure interest and because I think it's important in order to understand the world. It is naive to suggest that religion is nonsense because, even if we live in a part of the world where religion isn´t as influential anymore, this does not account for the rest of the world and what has been. Our history made us what we are and take one brave step away from the comfort of our "free" country and the world looks very different. We can choose to hate that and condemn people for being weak and credulous but the truth is, this is the majority of the world. It is therefore important to try and understand. I am very passionate about this. I don't suggest it could bring peace to the world but i insist that in order to understand and work against certain actions and ways of viewing the world, understanding each other on a deeper level is essential. If not, we might just stand there pointing fingers at each other without realising that there is something more to it. It is not about whether we like it or not. It is simply a fact; religion is important to people and it does change values accordingly to how we prioritize. I truly and strongly believe this but there is always something more to studying religion. We are essentially self-centered beings and to say that i study religion for the sake of the world would be a complete lie. My mum has always found comfort in God and you do take after the ones you look up to. My mum is a very sensible woman with both feet on the ground. She doesn't like films or books that are to far of reality and she sighs at the very thought of ghosts or anything else paranormal. But God, she does believes in without doubt. God is a part of her reality and so, consequently, God has always been a part of mine. I too are sensible and therefore I have spent a lot of time reading books that prove the idea of God wrong, trying to find the core for the concept of belief itself. This is where my passion for world religion is born and this is ultimately why i study religion. I seek answers. My conclusion is as it was before my university studies: Gods existence is impossible, in fact, anything else is more possible. My idea of God has developed from a tribal God and does only exist today due to someone's brilliant idea to suggest that this God was the only real God in a world that flourished with Gods and divine beings to devote. Before this you could have a couple of Gods on the sly in case one of them proved to be weak and new Gods was even met with curiosity. But if someone claims that there is only one real God, well then perhaps you better go with that, just in case. The other Gods, if they exist, wouldn't mind. Better safe than sorry. However, if there is only one God, this God must have the power and qualities of all the other gods. This is how the "only" God grew almighty. The whole of the Old Testament deals with the question of why God didn't step in when he was needed and it is stained with desperation and doubt. "Why have you forsaken me?" It is epic, contradictory and brutal but most of all a desperate cry for a God that has not been there for his people. The New Testament contradicts itself with it's very being. Jesus told his followers to be ready for he was soon to come back. There would be no time to gather family members or personal belongings and to be fair there would absolutely not be time to write a holy scripture. Christians are still waiting for a man who said that he'd come back and save us... 2000 years ago. The fact is, he is a bit late. All this I know and still i cannot make myself spell God without a capital letter and I cannot stop the search for the answer that I know I will never find. I am sensible and still here I am pathetically praying that God will forgive this and mercifully save me despite me knowing that anything else is more possible.

Outfit

This scarf is my best friend this season. I love the classic shoes really give life to an otherwise boring dark outfit. The bag is one of my best purchases ever. It cost me next to nothing second hand and it is the perfect size and colour. The egg coat is from Minimarket's label Mini for Many which I'm very fond of. My boyfriend says that the coat combined with the scarf gives me a kind of alien shape and I can do with that =).

Outfit

Trenchcoat from H&M, oversize jumper from Monki, Doc Martens, Fjällräven bag, my vintage bag and a necklace by Phenton.

Outfit

Wearing my Acne Pistols, Acne jeans, t shirt from tshirtstore and a vintage military jacket

Outfit from early July

Had just had a picnick with Martin and Em. Wearing a top from H&M, Vintage Levis shorts and my Ray Bans

Outfit from this summer

Fjällräven bag, Permanent Vacation dress. Thos photo is from July this summer. It was very warm that day and I am successfully hiding some mighty sweat patches.

about giving up for changes

I consider myself aiming for constant change, I just don't like going back. If you want to flatter me, then tell me how different I look. A change is a step in the right direction, away from whatever i didn't like before. But then again some changes are harder to deal with or accept at all. Seeking how years and experience mark my appearance is for me, as for many, hard to accept. So in my desperate aim to change and change again, I'm held back by the fact that i actually change. The difference is that this change is out of my control and that gets to me more than anything.

My twelve year old cousin gave me three slaps to the face last weekend. We were chatting while making dinner and we came to chat about when I was her age and went to the same school. The school nurse knew me and she had shown a picture of me from the yearbook.

Elli age 15. I had made a great change that year. This was the first semester with contact lenses. No more tiny eyes and wonky frames. I looked different and I felt very different. I had a new shirt that day. From H&M, a proper shirt, white and pink. It was one of those you had to iron. Mum had never let me buy anything like that before. To much work. But this year it was up to me. I recognise myself in the picture. My dear cousin made her point right away. "When you where young, you were thin and you had really nice clothes"

You are old *slap*

You are bigger now *slap*

Your clothes are not as nice *slap*

I must be honest, I was devastated. I ate my dinner and watched the film that she had chosen but I was panicked. These where changes that i could not control.

However, it was different this time. The feeling didn't last. Do I really want to be 15 again?

Obviously, no. Being 15 was horrible.

And yes, of course I'm bigger as a 22 year old but I'm in better shape than i ever was! My hips are wider and so are my shoulders. But I can't shrink bone. I can't have the body of a child. That struggle has been lost and I suppose i
I have in the end come to terms with that.

And about my clothes... why on earth should i take advice from a 12 year old? I don't reckon a pink striped white, nicely ironed shirt and a pair of boot cut Levis jeans would suit me anymore... I really don't.

I can't aim for what is lost and what is rightfully lost!

Didn't I welcome change? I never wanted to go back because I wasn't happy about what I had in the first place. And in another 5 years time, do I really want to go back to what I am today?

.and this is why it never seems to work

I think i've started and restarted my blog a few to many times trough the years and i suppose i never find anything interesting enough to blog about. I suppose there isn't much special about a student in her early twenties with photography, food and fashion as her main passions in life. This might be true. It is also true that and overdose of me me me makes the back of my trought tingle slightly as a gentle protest or overall detest. But for all that matters... lets try again.
Who is to read and who is to judge, but me? I do enjoy looking back on random nonsense that would and will only be interesting to me... and really, isn't that just what this is for? Me me me.

Nyår 09/10

Julafton hos mamma