A "sensible" study of religion...

It is difficult, religion. It is easy to claim that I study religion out of pure interest and because I think it's important in order to understand the world. It is naive to suggest that religion is nonsense because, even if we live in a part of the world where religion isn´t as influential anymore, this does not account for the rest of the world and what has been. Our history made us what we are and take one brave step away from the comfort of our "free" country and the world looks very different. We can choose to hate that and condemn people for being weak and credulous but the truth is, this is the majority of the world. It is therefore important to try and understand. I am very passionate about this. I don't suggest it could bring peace to the world but i insist that in order to understand and work against certain actions and ways of viewing the world, understanding each other on a deeper level is essential. If not, we might just stand there pointing fingers at each other without realising that there is something more to it. It is not about whether we like it or not. It is simply a fact; religion is important to people and it does change values accordingly to how we prioritize. I truly and strongly believe this but there is always something more to studying religion. We are essentially self-centered beings and to say that i study religion for the sake of the world would be a complete lie. My mum has always found comfort in God and you do take after the ones you look up to. My mum is a very sensible woman with both feet on the ground. She doesn't like films or books that are to far of reality and she sighs at the very thought of ghosts or anything else paranormal. But God, she does believes in without doubt. God is a part of her reality and so, consequently, God has always been a part of mine. I too are sensible and therefore I have spent a lot of time reading books that prove the idea of God wrong, trying to find the core for the concept of belief itself. This is where my passion for world religion is born and this is ultimately why i study religion. I seek answers. My conclusion is as it was before my university studies: Gods existence is impossible, in fact, anything else is more possible. My idea of God has developed from a tribal God and does only exist today due to someone's brilliant idea to suggest that this God was the only real God in a world that flourished with Gods and divine beings to devote. Before this you could have a couple of Gods on the sly in case one of them proved to be weak and new Gods was even met with curiosity. But if someone claims that there is only one real God, well then perhaps you better go with that, just in case. The other Gods, if they exist, wouldn't mind. Better safe than sorry. However, if there is only one God, this God must have the power and qualities of all the other gods. This is how the "only" God grew almighty. The whole of the Old Testament deals with the question of why God didn't step in when he was needed and it is stained with desperation and doubt. "Why have you forsaken me?" It is epic, contradictory and brutal but most of all a desperate cry for a God that has not been there for his people. The New Testament contradicts itself with it's very being. Jesus told his followers to be ready for he was soon to come back. There would be no time to gather family members or personal belongings and to be fair there would absolutely not be time to write a holy scripture. Christians are still waiting for a man who said that he'd come back and save us... 2000 years ago. The fact is, he is a bit late. All this I know and still i cannot make myself spell God without a capital letter and I cannot stop the search for the answer that I know I will never find. I am sensible and still here I am pathetically praying that God will forgive this and mercifully save me despite me knowing that anything else is more possible.